I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
