I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
