my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
