So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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