For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
