Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Can Purell be used as lube?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
