ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
