she smelled like a LAN party
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
