if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My penis needs a shock collar
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
