I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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