Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
