honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
