Sry I called you an 8
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Sacagawea was the original milf.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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