When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
