Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
