I don't usually arrange sex via text message
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
that may or may not have been my penis.
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