Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
