Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
