When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
