dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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