last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
