I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
