Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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