My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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