i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
