I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
