My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
