she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
