ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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