so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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