Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
