she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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