How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
