If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
