Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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