R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
