I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
