I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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