Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
