You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
