I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
