I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
