you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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