The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
