She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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