I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
