I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
