i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
