You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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