I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
