Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
