I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
