I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
